Absolute Randomity!
by awesomest99er
Summary: Random Layton Brothers stuff. I want people to see it, but I don't want it to be in separate FanFictions. Heh heh. This will be probably the randomest thing you've ever seen if I try to put every random thing in my mind. I am capable of complete randomness...
1. Mystery Room Texts

Lucy: hey prof

Lucy: prof

Lucy: PROF

Lucy: PROF HELLO ARE U DED OR SLEEPIN

Alfendi: wherdes vvvthfe BAKLCJEIOSPSPACE

Alfendi: Never mind I found the backspace lol sorry

Lucy: oh prof -_-

* * *

Lucy: hey prof im going veg for a while

Alfendi: Why/?

Lucy: well after seeing a ded pig man and chatting w/ talking animal people u kinda lose ur appetite for meat

Alfendi: Oh yeah I suppose u would

* * *

Justin: hi sniffer

Sniffer: ?

Justin: how r u doin

Sniffer: is this really u justin?

Sniffer: U BETTER NOT BE TRICKING ME DUSTIN SCOWERS I WILL FIND YOU

Justin: yeah this is justin y

Sniffer: OMG U ARENT ALLOWED TO HVE PHONES IN PRISON JUSTIN

Justin: i snuck it in like a boss

Sniffer: -_- rlly?

Justin: yh

Sniffer: WELL NO WONDER U WENT TO JAIL

Justin: hey this killer named ms potsby-mahn is hot

Sniffer: ...

* * *

Diane: hello layton

Alfendi: AH WTF ARENT U DEAD

Diane: ever heard of ghosts?

Alfendi: OMG WTF WTF WTF

Diane: 7 days...

Diane: would u like to speak 2 my papa?

Alfendi: NO

Diane: r u sure

Alfendi: POSITIVE

Diane: 100% sure

Alfendi: STOP TEXTING ME CREEP

* * *

Dustin: hey

Florence: hey

Dustin: how r u

Florence: fine I guess just busy u

Dustin: yh fine

Florence: yhgbhutfgbvbngmj,mn

Dustin: ?

Florence: yjhgbv cfgjghj

Dustin: wth r u typin?

Florence: lol i sneezed on my phone and i was wiping off the snot

Dustin: very lady-like

* * *

Lucy: so i kinda like prof but i dunno what to say to him

Lucy: hilda what should i do

Lucy: shud i ask him out or wat

Lucy: hilda

Lucy: hilda

Alfendi: Um Lucy this isn't Hilda

Lucy: OMG

Alfendi: ...So u like me?

Lucy: well i uh

Lucy: yh

Alfendi: ...

Alfendi: U should ask him out c:

Lucy: OMG wanna date

Alfendi: YES

* * *

Lucy: i accidentally texted prof when i was tryin 2 text u

Hilda: oh dear what did u say?

Lucy: i was askin about t prof and if i should ask him out or not

Hilda: OMFG that would be so embarrassing

Lucy: ikr

Lucy: but then i asked him out we're together

Hilda: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Lucy: i can hear u squealing all the way in my office lol

* * *

Hilda: hey Al

Alfendi: Hi

Hilda: heard u and Lucy were together now

Alfendi: O_O Who told u?

Alfendi: Never mind I know who

Hilda: what kind of dress do u think would look good on Lucy

Alfendi: ?

Hilda: i mean white is normal but do u think she'd be better in something else

Alfendi: What are u saying

Alfendi: OMG NO WE ARENT GETTING MARRIED HILDA NO

Hilda: rlly?

Alfendi: NO THATS JUST WEIRD WE ARE DATING THATS ALL

* * *

Commissioner Barton: Hey Lucy we're planning to the steak house for a random Scotland Yard dinner want to come

Lucy: i can never eat meat again

Commissioner Barton: Why?

Lucy: ham and cheese

Lucy: the case

Lucy: with diane

Commissioner Barton: Oh

Commissioner Barton: Sushi then?

Lucy: uh sure i dunno

Commissioner Barton: OK sushi

* * *

Sniffer: DOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE FLOOOOOOOOOOOOREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENCEEEE SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICH

Dustin: omg wtc

Sniffer: im speaking whale

Dustin: u just watched nemo?

Sniffer: yh

Dustin: y didnt u invite me? :'(

Sniffer: sorry u can come over later and we can watch incredibles

Dustin: YAY

Dustin: what did u say anyways

Sniffer: i said do u like florence sich

Dustin: um

Sniffer: so u do

Dustin: well i

Dustin: yh but DONT TELL FLORENCE

* * *

Sniffer: hi florence

Florence: um im kinda busy

Sniffer: ok but just one thing

Florence: WAT

Sniffer: do u like dustin

Florence: y

Sniffer: do u like dustin

Florence: Y!

Sniffer: well he likes u so do u like him back

Florence: well in that case YAH

* * *

Alfendi: Lucy what's a hashtag

Lucy: look it up

Alfendi: AH WTF SIRI

Alfendi: OK so apparently it's a number sign

Lucy: yup

Alfendi: U knew?

Alfendi: #Why didn't u tell me?

Lucy: rlly .-.

* * *

Diane: hello miss baker

Lucy: NO DIANE NO

Diane: whats wrong? i don't bite

Lucy: OMG I STILL HAVE NIGHTMARES FROM PIG AND I CAN'T EAT MEAT

* * *

Florence: i didn't know u liked me but i like u back

Dustin: hang on what

Dustin: SNIFFER SAID HE WOULDNT TELL

Florence: ok thats weird

Dustin: LETS GET HIM

Florence: lol

* * *

Sniffer: hilda i feel lonely

Hilda: y?

Sniffer: well alfendi is with lucy

Sniffer: dustin is with florence

Sniffer: ur fine being alone

Sniffer: justin is in jail

Sniffer: the commissioner is 2 old n chan doesn't rlly like people

Hilda: sorry

Hilda: u will find love somewhere

Sniffer: rlly?

Hilda: i think u will

Hilda: u no dolly hollerday is single i think

Sniffer: OMG THNX

* * *

Lucy: do u wanna build a snowman

Alfendi: Huh? It's raining Lucy

Lucy: or ride our bikes down the hall

Alfendi: ?!

Lucy: never see u anymore

Lucy: come out the door

Alfendi: Is this a song?

Lucy: come let's go and plaaaaaaaaaay

Alfendi: what song is this?

Lucy: u used 2 b my buddy

Alfendi: What is this?!

Lucy: but now ur not

Alfendi: WHAT IS THIS?

Lucy: i wish u would tell me yyyyyyyyyyyy

Alfendi: LUCY SO HELP ME I KNOW WHERE U LIVE

Lucy: do u wanna build a snowman

Alfendi: NO

Lucy: it doesn't hav 2 be a snowman

Alfendi: OMG STOP

* * *

Alfendi: Will u lock the door when u leave?

Alfendi: I forgot to ask

Lucy: k

Alfendi: U mean like vitamin k? The letter k? Kellog's brand food? Special K? K is for kangaroo? Or k I can cut ur tongue out? K i can slaughter u?

Lucy: -_- I WILL LOCK THE DOOR WHEN I GO HOME OMG DUDE

Alfendi: lol thnx


	2. Le Weird Dream

**-Le this is a dream I had. I used pseudonyms because, even if my friends don't mind, it makes it seem cool.-**

I was lying in my bed when I noticed a top hat on the desk. It was kind of old-looking, brown with a red stripe. I stared at it. Then Hershel Layton came in. He was older and using a cane. Hershel grabbed the top hat and left.

"First it was Alfendi and now this," I said to myself. I was referring to those gluten-free brownies that made me hallucinate Alfendi's existence. I got dressed and went into the living room. On the way, I tripped over my grandparents' weird dried bowling alligator thing and nearly peed my pants because it was scary to me. Hershel Layton, Alfendi Layton, and Lucy Baker were sitting around a laptop.

"How did they guess I would answer those questions like?" Alfendi asked. "And who are the people who can imitate Diane? It would be cool to meet them."

They were reading my Fan-Fiction where I was interviewing Alfendi at Radio Swoon! I tried not to say that I was the author.

"Oh, hi." Alfendi looked up from the computer. "The others are upstairs watching Clue."

"Others? Who exactly are the others?" I asked.

"Oh, you know, the Commissioners, Hilda, Dustin, Sniffer, Florence." Alfendi nodded.

"And Luke Triton," Hershel Layton added. "He's there too."

"He is? I didn't know he was here." Alfendi rubbed his chin.

How were they getting along so well?!

"Where are my parents?" I asked. "And where's my brother?"

"What parents?" Alfendi frowned. "What brother?"

"Ummm..."

The phone rang.

"I'll get it!" I said, hoping it was something normal.

"Hi Addie," my friend Mandy said. "Just to let you know, Crystal and I are coming over, like, RIGHT now."

"Wait, Mandy, I-"

Mandy hanged up. I put the phone down.

"Who was that?" Lucy asked.

"Um, my friends Mandy and Crystal," I said. "They said they were coming over."

The doorbell rang.

I went to get the door. "Stay outside for a few seconds," I whispered. I closed the door behind me. "I've kind of got a situation."

"What?" Crystal asked. She was just in a plain gray shirt, but somehow she made it look stylish.

"Well, Lucy, Alfendi, and his dad are in the living room and the other people from Layton Bros are upstairs watching Clue." I tried to keep my voice down. "They just were there when I woke up. And my parents and brother are gone!"

"What parents?" Mandy asked. "You're saying you found them?"

"Uh..." That was the second time someone said something like that to me. "Well, we should go in. And don't say anything about my Fan-Fictions or do any Diane imitations! 'Cause they're reading some Fan-Fictions of mine and I'm not sure if Alfendi actually likes them or not and I don't want him to murder me."

Mandy and Crystal nodded. I opened the door and we went inside.

"Um, guys, this is Mandy and Crystal. Mandy, Crystal, this is Lucy Baker, Alfendi Layton, and Professor Layton."

It was awkward for a few minutes. Mandy, Crystal, and I were sitting on the other couch.

"I'll make some tea." Alfendi went to the kitchen. Lucy followed him there.

Hershel Layton kept reading Fan-Fictions.

"I need to talk to you two outside," Mandy said. We went way into the back of the backyard. I noticed that Rosie was there, messing with the squirrel as usual.

"Why are they in your house?" Mandy asked.

"I don't know!" I shook my head. "Like I said, I woke up and they were there. Hershel left his hat in my room, too. That was just really strange. At first I thought I was hallucinating, but you can see them, so I guess I'm not."

"This is so cool!" Crystal said. "I didn't know that Professor Layton was Alfendi's dad."

We went back inside. Rose, my pet dog, followed us in there.

"Hi Rose!" Lucy said, baby-talking to her. She bent down and pet Rosie's stomach.

Well, Lucy did say that she was good with dogs.

The tea kettle started whistling. Alfendi took it off the stove and poured tea into some tea cups. He passed out the tea.

Somehow I actually liked the tea. I usually didn't like tea at all.

I was drinking the tea when there was a gunshot noise. I spit the tea back into the cup.

"That was the movie, right?" I asked.

"Did people get shot in that movie?" Alfendi asked.

"Yes..."

Alfendi and I both set down our tea cups and ran upstairs.

"They're, like, in sync," Mandy whispered to Crystal.

Alfendi opened the door slightly. We both peeked in.

The other detectives and Luke Triton were crowded upstairs, some on the couch and some on the floor. They were watching the movie, and nothing was wrong.  
Alfendi and I went downstairs.

"It's good," Alfendi said. "That actually was in the movie. Nothing to worry about."

We sat back down. I remembered that on Professor Layton Wiki, it said that Professor Layton loved tea. It looked like Alfendi loved tea, too.

"Lots of Fan-Fictions say that you two argue a lot," I said to Professor Layton and Alfendi. "It's cool that you actually don't."

"Well..." Alfendi frowned. "I don't argue with him, but, YOU KNOW..."

"Oh." I looked into the tea-cup.


	3. Braid :3

Lucy took the hair tie out of Alfendi's hair.

"Lucy..." he said.

Lucy separated his hair into three locks and started to braid it.

"Wat r u doin?"

Lucy continued with the braid.

"Lucy!" he exclaimed when he saw what she was doing.

Lucy tied it at the end.

Potty Prof appeared, making the braid a bit disheveled. "Stahhhp."

Lucy stepped back to examine her handiwork. She started laughing because it looked so ridiculous on him.


	4. Alfendi and Lucy Play Mystery Room

Lucy: Prof! Prof, look at this! *shows phone*

Alfendi (placid): Layton Brothers...Mystery Room? Huh?

Lucy: They made a game of our office!

Alfendi (placid): Huh. *takes out phone*

**(Yeah I doubt Alfendi would have a phone, but for the sake of this Fan-Fiction, I don't care.)**

Alfendi (placid): *le downloads game and pays for the other cases* I suppose the cases would be quite simple to solve these cases, considering we already solved them.

Case 000:

Lucy: Ee, Potty Prof hiding in the shadows. That's really creepy. But the intro part is awesome! "Four years on, and it still smarts..."

Alfendi (placid): How'd they get that? They must have snooped in our office sometime...

Case 001:

Alfendi (placid): Oh, so that's what you were doing when you accused me of some random crime. *le joking*

Lucy: Heh heh...Yeah...

Alfendi (potty): What the-? Who was Commissioner Barton talking to? And why was he talking about ME?!

Lucy: Er, I don't know. *looks at Potty Prof* Maybe they were just trying to create drama...

Case 002:

Lucy: And this is when they first show Potty Prof. Oh! I just realized what you meant when you were like, "We all get worked up sometimes."

Alfendi (placid): ...Yeah...

Case 003:

Lucy: OH MY GOSH. ROSCOE STRAPPING THINKS WE'RE DATING?

Case 004:

Alfendi (potty): Ah, The Walking Corpse. I remember that case well...

Alfendi (placid): *Ahem* It was rather unfortunate how I was unconscious for a while after that case.

Lucy: Yes. I imagine you had weird dreams, considering the position you were in.

Alfendi (placid): *coughs* Um, yeah. *flashback*

Lucy: You know I couldn't see that.

Case 005:

Alfendi (placid): Oh, so that's what you and Dolly were talking about... *raises eyebrow*

Lucy: *a le nervous laugh*

Case 006:

Alfendi (placid): Wow, Lucy. You have a lot of secret conversations about me...

Lucy: Ee, that were Commissioner Barton's fault! I did not start the conversation!

Case 007:

Alfendi (placid): ...

Lucy: ...

Alfendi (placid): It would be funny if someone wanted that weird clock. Like some random Fan-Girl.

Lucy: Yeah.

Case 008:

Lucy: *sigh* That were a troubling case.

Alfendi (placid): But you did really good.

Lucy: *blush*

Case 009:

Alfendi: (placid): ...

Lucy: ...

Alfendi (placid): Wow. That was...er...

Lucy: Interesting.

Alfendi (placid): Yeah.

Alfendi (potty): HOW DID THOSE STALKERS KNOW ABOUT THE MYSTERY ROOM?

Lucy: I KNOW, RIGHT? It's really creepy...

Commissioner Chan: Quiet down over there! What are you doing?

Commissioner Barton: Agh...Potty Prof...*clears throat* Why are you two yelling?

Lucy: We found this weird game...


	5. Spongebob Song Parody (Alfendi Layton)

_Who lives in his office in Scotland Yard?_

_ALFENDI LAYTON!_

_Tall and smart and psychotic is he._

_ALFENDI LAYTON!_

_If solving a murder is something you wish._

_ALFENDI LAYTON!_

_Then go to his office and take Lucy's place!_

_ALFENDI LAYTON!  
_

_ALFENDI LAYTON! ALFENDI LAYTON! ALFENDIIIIIIIIIIIIII LAYTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!_

"Um...Prof?" Lucy raised an eyebrow. "Wot the 'eck is this?"

Alfendi coughed and exited the page on his computer. "Nothing..."


	6. Rooty-Tooty Point 'N' Shooty!

**What if a gun was called a Rooty-Tooty Point 'N' Shooty?  
**

Alfendi: But don't you think he would have deposited the Rooty-Tooty Point 'N' Shooty elsewhere?

* * *

Alfendi: The true mastermind behind the case! The one who switched the Rooty-Tooty Point 'N' Shooties!

* * *

Al's Rooty-Tooty Point 'N' Shooty

Keelan's Rooty-Tooty Point 'N' Shooty

* * *

Lucy: Prof...Wot's that...In your hand?

Alfendi: I can't see it, obviously, but I believe it is a Rooty-Tooty Point 'N' Shooty.

* * *

Lubrication oil used to lubricate the fake Rooty-Tooty Point 'N' Shooty.

* * *

Justin: Al had his Rooty-Tooty Point 'N' Shooty pointed at Keelan.

* * *

Lucy: Oh no! That were a gunshot...From a Rooty-Tooty Point 'N' Shooty!

* * *

Al's Rooty-Tooty Point 'N' Shooty

Other Rooty-Tooty Point 'N' Shooty

* * *

Justin: Which Rooty-Tooty Point 'N' Shooty was used to kill Keelan?

* * *

**Just random weirdness...I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. XD**


	7. Murder Weapon

"What do you think the murder weapon is, Lucy?" Alfendi asked. "Think harder this time."

"I think it's the...Um..." Suddenly, Lucy was pushed over to the chair by some invisible force. "I think it's the chair!" she exclaimed in a stupid voice.

"Ummm...No," Alfendi replied. "You can't murder someone with a chair."

"I know that, Prof." Lucy scratched the side of her head. "I don't know why I-" And then Lucy was pushed over to the bathroom. She picked up the folded scrap of wet paper. "I think this is the murder weapon!" Lucy shook her head. "No, that's not right...Why did I even say that?"

Alfendi slapped his forehead. "Maybe you should take the day off, Lucy."

"No, I'm fine, Prof," Lucy said. "I think the closet is the murder weapon! Come on! Maybe I should take that day off...I think the murder weapon is the closet!"


	8. In Which Alfendi Lets It Go

Alfendi left Scotland Yard after solving the case. It was the first time his new assistant, Lucy Baker, had seen the other side of him. Alfendi trudged through the rainy streets of London.

"My hair glows red and everyone's scared...Not a person to be seen..."

Alfendi looked at the skyline.

"A detective with split personalities...And it looks like I need help..."

Alfendi sighed and continued walking.

"I hear the voices like this giant war inside. Don't let them in. Don't let them see. Be the calm guy you always have to be! Conceal, don't feel, don't let her know..."

Alfendi thought about Lucy. "Well know she knows!"

Alfendi started walking faster. A smile spread across his face. "Let it go! Let it go! Can't hold it back anymore! Let it go! Let it go! Turn away and slam the door! I don't care what she's going to say! Let my dark side go on! Their fear will never bother me." Alfendi took off his lab coat and threw it behind him.

Excited, Alfendi kept walking towards his house. "Funny how the hair makes everything look red. And the fears that once controlled me...Can't get to me at all!"

His small house came into view. Alfendi burst through the door. "It's time to see what I can do! Test the limits and break through! No right, no wrong, when it's only me! I'm free!"

Alfendi flicked on the lights and stood up on his couch. "Let it go! Let it go! I am two persons in one. Let it go! Let it go! You'll never see me cry! Here I stand, and here I stay! Let my dark side go on!"

Jumping down, Alfendi continued singing: "My red hair goes and falls all over my face! My soul is two confusing personalities! And one change can cause criminals to confess!" Alfendi stared out the window. "I don't care about her fear! The past is in the past!"

His other side appeared. Alfendi pushed the little ponytail over his shoulder. "Let it go! Let it go! And I'll rise like the break of dawn!" Alfendi's clothes changed into the ones he wore at the Forbodium Incident. "Let it go! Let it go! That calm inspector's gone! Here I stand, in the light of day! Let my dark side go OOONNN! Their fear will never bother me."

* * *

**Apparently I like making parodies of Let It Go? I thought of this randomly when I was trying to sleep. Alfendi is slightly annoyed, but also kind of amused. *ahem* Not like I speak to him on a regular basis...Heh, heh, heh...**


	9. 50 Ways For Him To Die (parody)

My heart is paralyzed

My eyes need to be dried  
I'll do the murder like I should  
He said that he'd be fine  
That he's got friends in the Force  
He'd be back before dinnertime

That's cool, but if I see Alfendi then maybe

He'll go down in an airplane  
Fried in a kitchen  
Fell off a cliff into some rocks  
Help me, help me, I'm no good at murder!  
He met a gun that I held  
Had a parachute that didn't work  
I will avenge my father  
Help me, help me, I'm all out of knives  
And ways to make Al die

My grief feels the sting  
He was my everything  
Someday I'll kill a love of Al's  
He'll think I'm the Joker  
Not just Diane Makepeace  
How could he kill my father?

That's cool, but if I see Alfendi then maybe

He'll die in a shop class  
Eaten by a cannibal  
Got run over by my big car  
Help me, help me, I'm no good at murder!  
He'll dry up in a desert  
Drown in my bath tub  
Poisoned to death at a restaurant  
Help me, help me, I'm all out of knives  
And ways to make Al die

I wanna live with my Papa  
I wanna be the one Al's murdered by  
Because he killed my father

That's cool, but if I see Alfendi then maybe  
That's cool, but if I see Alfendi then maybe

He'll go down in an airplane  
Fried in a kitchen  
Fell off a cliff into some rocks  
Help me, help me, I'm no good at murder!  
He met a gun that I held  
Had a parachute that didn't work  
I will avenge my father  
Help me, help me, I'm all out of knives  
And ways to make Al die

He'll die in a shop class  
Eaten by a cannibal  
Got run over by my big car  
Help me, help me, I'm no good at murder!  
He'll dry up in a desert  
Drown in my bath tub  
Poisoned to death at a restaurant  
Help me, help me, I'm all out of knives  
And ways to make Al die

* * *

**I assure you, I am NOT a killer. 0_o**


	10. Describe Your Crush In 3 Words

"Today I am going to ask the detectives of The Mystery Room to describe their crush in three words!" a certain fangirl of Layton Brothers exclaimed. "Let's just hope they let me in Scotland Yard."

* * *

Hilda rubbed her chin. "Hmm...Evil. Sexy. Fictional."

The fangirl wondered which fictional character this could be.

* * *

"Don't. Have. One." Sniffer nodded. "Does that describe it well?"

"Good choice," the fangirl said.

* * *

"Does 'red-eyed' count?" Alfendi asked. "If so, then that's my first word. I'm not sure what else I could use to describe her. Maybe you should come back later."

* * *

"Smart," Lucy said. "Crazy...Hmm...Tall?"

The fangirl grinned.

* * *

Florence sneezed loudly. "O-Okay, I don't know...Hmm...I don't think I have a crush."

Sighing, the fangirl went to interview someone else.

* * *

"Beautiful," Dustin said. "Smart...Sneezing."

* * *

"I honestly have no words to describe her," Alfendi said.

"Maybe you should just say her name," the fangirl suggested. She smiled. "First and last. Then you complete the three words."

"I know! Detective Constable. I think that's her rank, anyways..."

The fangirl squealed loudly.

Potty Prof appeared. "I will cut your tongue out!"

* * *

Justin looked out of the window of his jail cell. "So...You just want me to describe my crush in three words?"

"That's what I said," the fangirl replied.

"Okay...Hot. Diva. Killer."

"Oh crap," the fangirl muttered, knowing exactly who he was talking about.

* * *

"I don't like anyone," Commissioner Chan said. "I'm like Ron Swanson."

"Um...I think he has a wife."

* * *

"Does 'large fried chicken' work?" Commissioner Barton asked. "That's what I like."

The fangirl slapped her forehead.

* * *

"I would ask other characters," the fangirl said, "but I can't contact them. Well, except for Randal Mann (as you probably know, I work at Radio Swoon even though I'm too young and unqualified). He said, er, 'masculine, strong, dead'. Let's not try to figure out who he's talking about..."


	11. Truth Or Dare

"Let's play truth or dare, guys!" Hilda exclaims.

"Hilda," Alfendi says, "that's what teens do. We're adults."

The other detectives seem to agree with Hilda, though. They ignore Alfendi's comment.

"Don't go hard on me, okay?" Florence sneezes. "I have my IV and all..."

Suddenly, Potty Prof appears. "Are you all children?!"

Florence's eyes widen. "Potty Prof...I mean 'other' Al. I DID NOT JUST SAY POTTY PROF!" She laughs nervously. "Don't kill me please."

"Prof, loosen up," Lucy says.

"Sorry," Alfendi murmurs. Placid Prof is back.

Lucy looks at Hilda. "I've never played truth or dare. I want to try it. And Prof, you don't have to play if you don't want to."

"But Lucy is going to be here," Hilda says. She winks.

Alfendi puts a hand to the back of his neck. "Well then, I believe I am inclined to accept."

"How cute!" Florence says.

"I will cut your tongue out," Potty Prof mutters.

Florence squeaks.

"Calm down." Lucy nudges Alfendi.

Placid Prof returns. Al laughs nervously, blushing.

"HE IS BLUSHING!" Sniffer points accusingly.

Alfendi clears his throat. "Is it hot in here?" he asks, but everyone knows he's blushing.

Lucy and Hilda begin to put chairs in a circle. They're sitting in this order: Alfendi, Lucy, Dustin, Florence, Sniffer, Hilda.

"I go first!" Dustin exclaims. He looks around for his first Truth or Dare victim. "Er...'Ilda! Truth er dare!"

"Truth. I guess." Hilda shrugs.

"'Ow about...I know! Who do ya like? Ya know-_like_ like."

There is a dramatic pause. "...I LIKE LOKI! OKAY?!" Hilda admits loudly.

"Who's Loki?" Alfendi whispers to Lucy.

"He's the villain in the first Avengers movie," Lucy answers. "You can come over to my house and watch the movie sometime."

"Oh." Alfendi shrugs.

Hilda's gaze sweeps across the room. "Let's see...Truth or dare...Florence."

"Truth!" Florence yells.

"Alright." Hilda rubs her chin. "Um...Bed, wed, or dead for...Dustin, Sniffer, and Justin."

"Hmm...Definitely dead for Justin."

Sniffer makes a little sniffling noise.

"Sorry dude." Florence shakes her head. "Um...Bed Sniffer and wed Dustin?"

Both Sniffer and Dustin look shocked at the answer.

"Truth or dare...Alfendi," Florence says quickly.

Potty Prof appears. "DARE! I am not a coward!"

"Okay then..." Florence tries to hide her nervousness as she thinks of dares.

Dustin leans over and whispers a dare into Florence's ear.

"Well, if you wanted to get me killed, you could have just said it," Florence replies. "Al, I dare you to say, 'I'm Daddy! Daddy's going to solve a puzzle!'" She makes a silent prayer that Alfendi won't kill her.

Alfendi thinks this is a weird dare, and he knows where it's coming from. He doesn't question this, though. "I'M DADDY!" Alfendi yells. "DADDY'S GOING TO SOLVE A MYSTERY! Okay...Truth or dare, Lucy?"

Lucy decides on truth because she doesn't want do a dare that Potty Prof makes up.

"Alright, who do you like?"

Lucy curses out loud. Then she quickly apologizes and puts her hand over her mouth.

"I just learned a new word!" Sniffer jokes.

"Um...Pass! How do we pass?!"

"There's one version of this game where you can pass," Hilda replies slowly. "But we are not playing that version! Answer the question!"

"Prof...?" Lucy mumbles.

"Louder, please," Dustin says with a grin.

Lucy sighs. "Prof?" she repeats in a louder voice.

Alfendi's hair turns purple again. His cheeks are red. "Um...What?"

Lucy blushes. "Um...N-Next one!" she stammers. "Let's see...Ah, Dusty. Truth or dare?"

"Dare!" Dustin says.

"Hmm...Hmm...HMM...HMM!" Lucy shouts, pretending to think out loud. "I dare you to rhyme until someone says you can stop."

Dustin curses out loud. Then he quickly thinks of a rhyme to go with it. "I want some ham?"

Lucy snorts.

"Truth or dare...Sniff-air?"

"Good one," Sniffer says. "Let's do...Dare!"

Dustin thinks like a poet would. "Speak only in person third. You will sound like a dumb turd."

"What?"

"He means speak in third person," Florence whispers.

"Sniffer does not like that." Sniffer crosses his arms.

"YOU SOUND LIKE HULK!" Lucy starts laughing.

"Who's Hulk?" Alfendi asks.

"Prof, you really need to watch The Avengers. He's one of the superheroes in it. When he gets a lot of adrenaline or summat like 'at, he turns into this big green guy and smashes a lot of buildings."

"SNIFFER SMASH!" Sniffer jokes. "Sniffer wonders...truth or dare on...Hilda."

"There are some interesting dares," Hilda replies. "I'll go with that."

"Sniffer will force Hilda to dance."

"I should have picked truth," Hilda mutters. She starts disco dancing.

"DANCING QUEEN!" Lucy sings. "SWEET AND CLEAN! ONLY SEVENTEEN!"

Hilda sighs. "T or D...Florence."

"Truth," Florence replies almost instantly.

"Let's see...If you could have any super power, what would it be?"

Florence sneezes before answering: "Not sneezing. Does that count? Okay...Truth or dare on Sniffer."

"Sniffer chooses truth!"

"What's the weirdest thing you've ever done?" Florence asks.

"Once, when Sniffer was just starting to work here, he put on a dress and yelled that he was a princess. Sniffer was in the middle of a parking lot too." Sniffer nods.

"Okay, we did not need to know that." Florence shakes her head.

"Sniffer is a weird one...But so is...This person?" Dustin points to Al, who just puts a hand behind his neck.

"Sniffer decides to do truth or dare on...DETECTIVE CONSTABLE BAKER!" Sniffer points accusingly.

"I demand a dare!"

"Good choice, grasshopper. Sniffer is choosing a dare...KICK PROF WHERE IT COUNTS."

"Don't call me Prof," Potty Prof grumbles.

"KICK ALFENDI WHERE IT COUNTS," Sniffer corrects himself.

"Uh..." Lucy gulps. "Okay..."

She and Al (who still has red hair) stand up. There is tension in the air. Then, Lucy kicks Alfendi in the groin as lightly as she can.

Alfendi falls down. "You are a strong woman, Lucy," Alfendi wheezes.

"SORRY PROF!" Lucy blurts.

"The secret fortune is hidden in the..." Alfendi goes limp, pretending to die.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Lucy starts dramatically fake-sobbing.

Placid Prof is in control again. Alfendi sits back in his chair.

"Okay, I suppose I should pick the next person or summat. Truth or dare, Prof!"

"Are you trying to kill me?" Alfendi asks. "Truth, of course!"

Lucy thinks of a question. Florence gets up from her seat and whispers something into Lucy's ear.

"No!" Lucy says. "I'm not asking him that!"

"Please?" Florence begs. "Pretty please? Beautiful please?"

"Ugh. Fine. Prof...Do you...have a crush on anyone? Who is it?"

"Um...I have a crush on..." Potty Prof takes control. "Lucy Baker."

Lucy's face turns red.

"Did I just say that?" Placid Prof's eyes are wide.

"How cute!" Hilda squeals.

"Truth or dare Florence," Alfendi says.

"Dare...But don't go hard on me!"

"Okay. End every sentence with 'in my pants'."

"What? In my pants."

Alfendi shrugs. "Trust me, my true self has far worse dares than that."

"Okay then in my pants," Florence replies. "Truth or dare...Dustin...In my pants!"

"Dare!" Dustin yells. "Chair!"

"You can speak normally now...in my pants..."

"THANK YOU!" Dustin gasps.

"But you have to lick the floor...in my pants..." Florence continues. "This is so awkward in my pants! And I'm wearing a skirt in my pants! What, in my pants?"

Dustin licks the floor. "Tastes like chicken."

"No comment in my pants."

"T or D..." Dustin looks around. "Let's see..." He curses under his breath. "I'm rhyming again. Thank you, Lucy."

"You're welcome," Lucy jokes.

"T OR D 'ILDA," Dustin shouts.

"Finally! I thought you forgot about me."

"Without you in the room, it wouldn't smell like perfume."

Hilda makes no comment.

"T OR D," Dustin yells.

"Truth!" Hilda replies. "I'm not risking it. Truth!"

"Very interesting," Dustin says. "Let's see...You can go into any book or movie, but you have to marry the villain. What-"

"THE AVENGERS!" Hilda interrupts. "I think we already got that out-of-the-way. I said that I liked Loki, right?"

Dustin doesn't say anything.

"Truth or dare...Alfendi?"

"Dare," Potty Prof replies.

"Hang on." Hilda runs out of the room and comes back with a hula skirt. "I dare you to put this on."

"Where did...?" Alfendi shakes his head. "Never mind." He puts on the hula skirt over his pants. "Now...Truth or dare Sniffer."

"Truth?" Sniffer replies in a question.

"Do you like anyone?"

"Sniffer says yes, actually!"

Everyone is shocked by the answer.

"Sniffer likes...Food." Sniffer winks. "Okay, truth or dare Hilda."

"Dare." Hilda realizes this is a mistake.

"Sniffer dares you to...Prank call Commissioner Chan. And put it on so detectives of the room can hear it."

"Did you have to choose Chan?" Hilda complains.

"Do it."

"But I'm not in his contacts," says Hilda. "He won't know it's me..." Hilda thinks about what she's going to do. "I know!" She grabs her phone, types in Chan's number, and puts it on speaker.

"Hello?" Chan says. "Who is this?"

Hilda disguises her voice to make her sound younger. "Daddy?"

"What?"

"DADDY, IT'S YOU!" Hilda squeals.

"Who the hell are you?!" Commissioner Chan blurts.

"I MISSED YOU, DADDY!"

Chan curses out loud and hangs up his phone. Alfendi seems kind of nervous, but everyone else is laughing.

"Truth or-" Hilda interrupts herself with a laugh. "-dare...Lucy?"

"Dare...BUT DON'T MAKE ME HURT PROF!" she adds quickly.

"Okay you little lovebird." Hilda winks and whispers the dare into Lucy's ear.

"O-Okay then...? Wot even is that?!"

"Just do it," Hilda says.

Lucy hugs Alfendi. "Every time I poop, I think of you."

"What the heck?!"

"Thank you for that, Hilda." Lucy slaps her forehead.

"Is that true, Lucy?" Florence asks. "In my pants."

"Yes, no, maybe so."

"What does that mean in my pants?"

"Truth or dare...Florence."

"Truth in my pants," Florence replies.

"Okay..." Lucy rubs her chin. "If you were going to die soon, what would you want your last meal to be?"

"Awfully creepy, in my pants. Well, I'd definitely want some cake in my pants...May I PUH-LEASE stop talking like this in my pants?!"

Lucy nods.

"Sniffer is still talking weirdly." Sniffer wipes a fake tear from his eyes. "Sniffer sad."

"Truth or dare Alfendi," Florence says.

"DARE!" Potty Prof exclaims. (Alfendi is definitely going to sleep in late tomorrow.)

'Potty Prof always picks dare,' Lucy thinks, 'and Placid Prof picks truth.'

"I dare you to kiss Lucy." Florence smirks.

"Do I get a say in this?" Lucy asks.

Suddenly, Alfendi kisses Lucy.

"Holy-" (Curse word.) "-Prof!"

Placid Prof returns. "I cannot believe I just-"

Lucy interrupts him with a kiss.

* * *

**LUCIFENDI! *squeals***

**I don't know why I think Hilda likes Loki...**


End file.
